Cinco De What The Fuck Did You Drink?

Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock

I peeked through the little hole and there stood "Will". I explained that I wasn't in the mood for company and he couldn't just be stopping by my the house whenever he wanted. He said, "Jason is in the car. Drunk. He said to bring him here." Jesus Christ, I'm being tested, right? Drunk at 9:30.

"Will" brought him in the house. Then he tried to leave. No way was he leaving a drunk, angry man at my house. I then found out that "Will" didn't know there was some discord between "Jason" and myself. He had left "Jason" at my house plenty of times. What could possibly be different? I thought it through and decided to let "Will" leave without explaining the bad date/ drunk dial/asshole behavior/possibly in lust/blog business.

"Jason" has taken care of me plenty of times. He has skipped work when I was sick. He has held my hair when I've puked. He gave me scruffy Detroit man for my birthday. He's stroked my hair when I've cried. Granted I've done a ton for him too. I just couldn't send him home. Even when I'm a bitch, I am still loyal.

"I'm no fucking Lloyd Dobler."

"OK"

"I'm no Joe either."

"OK. Let's not talk about this now. Take your clothes off and just get in bed."

"Woo hoo naked!"

"Don't eveb think about it. Now get in bed."

"Stupid fucking internet thing."

"It's not stupid. And no one said you had to read it."

"I didn't set you up with an asshole on purpose."

"Yes you did but it's ok. I understand. Just lay down and quit talking."

"Quit being saucy."

"Jason, really, I've had a long day. Lay down and shut up."

"You gonna write about this?"

"Of course I am. I'm an attention whore."

"Stupid fucking blog. And who the fuck did you drunk dial?"

"Let's not get into the evils of drunk dialing. You drunk dialed me Sunday and made an ass of yourself."

"I bought beer."

"I'm tired. Please shut the fuck up before I kill you and throw your body off a bridge."

"Saucy bitch."

"You love me and you know it. Now shut up and pass out already."

"Yeah I do but..."

Then the puking began. It was purple. I have no idea what he drank. I'm not sure I want to know. He puked for two hours. He apologized for the whole two hours. He kept mumbling about The Boy being Judd Nelson. He's passed out now. And snoring. Loudly. Tomorrow should be fun.