Time To Get Myself A Lloyd?

Tuesday I had lunch with the girls. We had to reminisce more about DrunkFest 2005. How is it possible that I was the ONLY one who ran into any ex boyfriends? I always run into ex boyfriends. You could take this to mean I am a slut with a lot of ex boyfriends or just that I have bad luck. I am NOT a slut. I just talk like one.

We veered away from the Drunk Dialing Adventure because I'm sick of talking about it. I'm right. I'm wrong. I'm a psycho bitch. I was completely justified. Fuck it. I called someone drunk and he didn't want to talk. End of story. But I do have a cute southern voice. I have references to prove it.

The conversation turned to my being the recipient of a drunk dial. The Married Former Slut wanted to know why I just didn't date "Jason". It's obvious he likes me. He is sweet and kind and does an awful lot for me. Or he did until he did this to me. His former girlfriends get jealous of me. He takes care of me when I am sick. He has a great job. He thinks I'm funny. Married Former Slut laid out all of the reasons I should just give in. Some of her reasons were great (sex when ever I want it) and some were just shallow (he makes a ton of money).

So here is the truth. I did date "Jason" for about 2 seconds a long time ago. He dumped me. I was devastated. After I got over my emotional trauma (took about a week) then we became best friends. We have been best friends for several years. It's only been recently that he has turned weirdo on me. I'm not even sure he has turned weirdo. I may have allowed my friends to convince me that he has that lovin' feeling for Lola.

My problem is it seems I only date bastards. I went through the guys I saw this weekend and all the characteristics they have in common. All of them are tall. All of them are funny. All of them have a certain cockiness. All of them are bastards. Emotionally unavailable dicks.

Most girls anywhere near my age say they want a Lloyd Dobler but I always go after the Joes* of the world. Sure it would be romantic to have someone stand outside playing "In Your Eyes" for me but it seems I'd rather have someone to drink beer and make up new curse words with. Someone who is sure to love me (fuck me) and leave me. Someone who I feel unrequited love for. Someone who makes me want to write bad poetry. Someone who makes me want to hide under the covers and vow to never see the light of day again. Fuck, I am one sick, dramatic bitch.

"Jason" used to be a Joe and he grew up into Lloyd. Maybe it's time I grow up and give the Lloyds of the world a chance.



*Joe is the boy that Corey (Lloyd's best friend) wrote 63 songs about. "Joe lies when he cries..." might be one you remember. Joe was a bastard.