It's Enough To Turn A Straight Girl Lesbian

We met for sushi. I suppose a man's willingness to eat sushi really is some sort of test by me. Usually somewhere between the first and the third date I always suggest sushi. I've come to realize if the man won't eat sushi, I usually don't end up dating him. Seriously, I had a whole conversation about this with the girls. Sushi is a bonafide Lola test.

Anyway, we met for sushi. He wanted to pick me up but I refused. I felt the need to be able to make a quick getaway if need be. As we were waiting for our table he turns to me saying, "Jason said he wasn't sure if you were over your ex yet." My first thought is "Jason is a douche." My second thought is "Then why the fuck did you ask me out?" I smile politely. I do not even reassure him.

The waitress comes to take our drink order. I order sake. He says, "I would prefer it if you didn't drink." Woah buddy. This is a first date. You did not just tell me not to drink. I smile politely and say, "Well, I would prefer it if I did." The waitress brings the sake and a diet Coke for him. Diet Coke. Fuck I have got to get out of here.

He explains to me that he doesn't drink. This is not a dealbreaker. I have dated non drinkers before. My first boyfriend was a non drinker. The Boy became a non drinker. Ok, truth be told he tried to become a non drinker but it didn't work out for him. One of my best friends is a non drinker. I have nothing against non drinkers, just don't try to get me to turn into one.

As we peruse the sushi menu, he starts marking things he wants to eat. He is marking a plethora of sushi. I ask to see the menu so that I might mark what I would like. He says, "Oh, I ordered enough for both of us." You know it might seem romantic to some girls for the man to order for her. You see it in the chick flicks. Dimly lit restaurant, the man says, "I'll have the steak tartar and the lady will have the salad." Not fucking romantic to me. To me, a man that orders for the girl is controlling and manipulative. Call me crazy.

Now I eat sushi a lot. At least once a week but he had marked some things that I wouldn't be caught dead eating. It was as if he was trying to impress me with his daring. Fuck that. I say, "You know I would really like to order for myself." At this point, he says, "But it is so much more fun my way." I smile politely. My mother did raise me with some manners. I decide to suck it up. He has picked some of the things I would eat and I can try new things.

The dinner conversation was less than pleasing. We have completely different views on politics, religion, women, men, and if the sky is truly blue. I want to kill Jason. Then it dawns on me. Jason doesn't want me to date. If I keep going out with losers then what was right in front of my face the whole time will suddenly look extremely good. God he is an amateur. And I am a stupid, stupid girl for not seeing what was what to begin with.

Dinner is over and the check comes. I smile politely again. I ask what my half is. He says, "Oh no this is my treat." I do not want him paying for my meal. I am not going to kiss him goodnight and I am certainly not going out with him again. It would be rude to allow him to pay. Some people might think I deserve a free meal for my pain and suffering. Well, someone will be paying but it won't be my "date". I politely ask again what my portion of the check is. He refuses. The waitress comes by and I slip her my credit card. When she brings the credit card back he looks shocked. I sign it and leave the girl a rather good tip. I say, "I am not a girl who likes to be told what to do. Dinner is on me." With that I gather my belongings and head for the door.

He follows me out. He argues with me about the check in a juvenile way. You know the whole "man is supposed to pay" argument. He then says, "Don't you want to come over to my house for a drink." I am not fucking kidding you. The man who preferred I didn't drink at dinner has now decided it is alright to drink. I smile politely and just walk away shaking my head.

I'm seriously rethinking the not ever being with a girl again thing.