You've Got A Handsome Dick

So I come home a little tipsy. Just a teeny weeny tiny bit. "The Sweetest Thing" is on Comedy Central so we start watching it. There is a scene in the movie where Christina Applegate asks Selma Blair (she is so fucking adorable) what you always tell a man. Selma answers, "Oh...my God your penis is so....big!" Then they break in to this song and dance number. One of the lines in the song is "You've got a handsome dick." "Will" says, "No girl would ever say that." The Bitch goes, "You are fucking the wrong girls then."

This led to a discussion between "Will", "Jay", "Jason", The Bitch, The Non Drinker, and myself about lines we use in bed. Stupid ass stuff that just comes out of your mouth. I admit to telling a man his dick is pretty. Or something complimentary along those lines. I mean it's not like I went so far as to call it a work of art but I have said something about it being pleasing to the eye. The Bitch admits to lying about it being "the biggest one ever". The Non Drinker said she forgot what a penis looked like so she couldn't join in the conversation. We called bullshit but let it pass. The boys think we are full of shit. No girl has ever told them their dicks were pretty. Of course, they all say they have the biggest dicks in the world so that comment isn't a problem.

I have to go drink some more now but I have a question for y'all...Am I the only slut out here that's called a dick pretty?

*Sunday Morning Clarification*
I have never told a guy that his was the biggest I've ever seen. Well except for this guy. I have commented on a penis being pretty if I thought it was nice looking. I've never told a penis it was ugly. That would be mean and might hurt it's feelings. I have NEVER lied to someone about the size of his penis. That is not my style. I will admit to lying about coming. (Every girl has done that at least once and if you say you haven't you are a dirty liar.) Oh and I am not a slut. Really.



The Penis Song (from the movie)

What do we always tell them, no matter what?
Oh...my God your penis is so....big!

Your penis is so thick
Your penis is just so...purty
You've got a handsome dick!!
Your penis is so hard
Your penis is just so large
My body is a movie
And your penis is the star!
AHHH AHHH AHHHHH!

You're....too big to fit in here
Too big to fit in here
Too big to fit in here
OHH OHH OHHH!!

What a lovely ride
Your penis is a thrill
Your penis is a Cadillac
A giant Coupe Deville
Your penis packs a wallop
Your penis brings a load
And when it makes deliveries
It needs it's own zip code!
Nine, double-zero, PENIS!

You're too big to fit in here
Too big to fit in here
Too big to fit in here

Your penis is so strong
Your penis is so smooth
Your penis got a rhythm
Your penis makes me groove
Your penis is a dream
The biggest one ive seen

You're too big to fit in here
Too big to fit in here
Too big to fit in here
You're too big to fit in here
Too big to fit in here
Too big to fit in here

You're penis is so big
Your penis is so thick
Your penis is so pretty
You've got a handsome dick!

Your penis is so hard
Your penis is so large
My body is a movie
And your penis is the star
Starring...your penis.

You're too big to fit
Too big to fit in here
Too big to fit in here
You're too big to fit in here
Too big to fit in here
Too big to fit in here