Size DOES Matter

If a girl tells you size doesn't matter, she is lying to you. Size does matter. Size matters in everything. If you wear a size 7 shoe, you know that the cutest shoes are always gone quickly. You know a size 2 dress is better than a size 20 to most men. If you are really sad the HUGE Hershey bar will solve more of your problems than the regular size one. Big hair is sexier than regular hair if you are in a lingerie commercial. A venti vanilla latte can make your morning. But a dick that's too big can ruin your day.

I dated a guy once that had this problem. OK I know most of you are thinking WTF? I met this guy and to look at him you never would have thought he was more than average below the belt. But he had the sexiest voice I had ever heard. Like sex on a stick. I don't know what sex on a stick is but he was it. We had a great time together and spent hours kissing. He was always very respectful. Never tried to push things too far. I think it was just build up. He was trying to make me crazy so that I would give it up all at once. His ploy worked.

After the appropriate amount of time I decided I couldn't take it anymore. One night I got him drunk. Well both of us got drunk and as thing progressed I decided I couldn't take it anymore. We had spent weeks kissing and touching but no real contact. I had some idea by this time that he might be bigger than average but boy was I in for a surprise. This guy could have been a porn star. We are talking long AND thick. As it came out of his pants, I thought to myself, "No fucking way is that thing getting anywhere near me!" I explained to him as kindly as possible that there was just no way that we were going any further. I knew there wasn't one thing I could do for him to relieve the tension. I felt bad for him. I felt like a tease. I am quite sure that my decision saved my life. If I had let him anywhere near my delicate "area" I wouldn't have survived it. I might have been damaged for life. Yes, I was left horny and unsatisfied but I was alive. My precious puss intact.

So the next time you guys are complaining that you are small or just average remember this cautionary tale. Size does matter and bigger isn't always better. Go ahead, say it. We both know you are thinking it. There is something wrong with this girl.