Disappointment

I must be naive. Or fucktarded. Or simply blind. People continually amaze me. I want to believe in the best in people. Sure I come across as cynical. All fronts and walls. But deep down inside I really want people to be good. I want people to tell the truth. I want the people I surround myself with to be decent people.

I went to someone I considered a friend yesterday to talk about something that was troubling me. This person listened to me with apparent concern. He gave feedback on what I said. I felt good about the conversation. My fears were somewhat appeased. I found out today that he was just pissing down my back and telling me it was raining.

This person was fucking me up the ass and smiling pleasantly while he was doing it. Of course he was smiling. He was enjoying himself. He was getting off on putting one over on me. Asshole!

I had just started to question the way I have been living my life. Closed off. Not letting people in. This is not a fun way to live your life. Not to sound cliche but people need people. I thought maybe I would start to open up a little. This whole episode has convinced me that maybe I am living my life the right way.

Fuck people. I'm going to curl up with Mr. Bunny and suck my thumb.

Update: I still hate people! Mr. Bunny and I are definitely moving to a secluded island paradise with only my Ryan Adams CD's and frozen apple martinis to keep us company.