Christopher Walken's Equal

You may or may not know this but Christopher Walken scares the ever living shit out of me. I try not to watch movies that he is in. I can't really describe why he scares me. He just does. I had a boyfriend once who insisted we watch him every time he was on SNL. I didn't find it the least bit amusing. I know this is an irrational fear. Christopher isn't going to come through the TV and get me. He isn't going to show up at my house one day to kill me. It's stupid that I let this man creep me the fuck out. But hey, I'm crazy right?

The Boy made me watch Suicide Kings about a 100 times on DVD. I should have known then that the relationship was doomed. Suicide Kings is a great movie. But I could do without Walken. I also love the movie Blast From The Past but why does Walken have to be the dad? I don't avoid Walken movies all together. I just don't go out of my way to see them.

This weekend while I was sick. (I'm still running fever people. Am I dying?) A friend brought me DVD's and soup. She was well meaning. She was being nice. She brought me The Stepford Wives. Now it is quite possible she didn't know of my aversion to almost all things with Christopher Walken. You would think though since I am the center of everyone's universe she would know of my problem. Well she didn't. So I decided to give it a shot. I snuggled under the blankets and started to watch.

Roles like the one he plays in Stepford are the reason he scares me. Being an evil asshole just comes too easily to him. Bus Walken is not the villain of my story. Have you people seen Glenn Close in this movie? Now I have two people that scare the bejesus out of me. She was so damn perky. I hate perky people. No one should be happy 24/7. It's just not natural. A girl at work is that perky. I want to take her into the supply closet and beat the shit out of her.

As I looked at Glenn leading the workout group in her country club clothes, I was reminded of an acquaintance of mine. Uncanny resemblance except my "friend" is way younger than Glenn Close. I kept telling myself I was going to turn the movie off yet every time she showed up on screen I sat there mesmerized. Her face was so tight. Her hair and clothes so perfect. Her personality so fucking disturbing. Are there really people that smile that much?

I know that she has played disturbing parts before. It never bothered me. Fatal Attraction sang to my soul. I was rooting for her. Michael Douglas deserved everything he got in that movie.
The Stepford Wives has made me scared of Glenn Close. I'm worried she and Christopher Walken both will show up at my house and try to make me perky. If I suddenly start sounding extremely happy you know they got to me. Send someone to shoot me.