Giving Thanks

As you may know, I like to be alone. I'm pretty much a bitch all the time and it just works out better for everyone if I spend my time mostly by myself. So I hate Thanksgiving. A lot of relatives sitting around trying to be polite and filling their plates with food. Not my idea of a good time.

I am the black sheep of the family. OK not really. Everyone is jealous of me because the world revolves around me. My mother and my grandparents are at my beckon call. No eggs in the stuffing, Lola doesn't like it. Lola gets the first slice of turkey because Lola only eats white meat. Don't eat all the mashed potatoes, they are Lola's favorite. Only sweet tea, that's all Lola will drink. Don't let Lola's food touch each other. She won't eat it if it touches. Get Lola a new plate for seconds. No pecan pie, it makes Lola sick. You can see why people might not like me. I can't help it. I like what I like and these people raised me to be the spoiled rotten center of attention that I am today.

Also, I think differently than most of my family. Homosexuals are OK in my book. No one is going to hell for missing church. Though I believe in God, the Old Testament might just be a story. Premarital sex is a choice. Bush is a bad president. Black people aren't bad. Jews aren't out to rule the world. So holidays are always me trying to bite my tongue and not make waves. Even though having to be the center of attention makes me want to stand up and throw rolls at these people's heads and tell them how fucking idiotic they are. I'm pretty sure I'm adopted. Or maybe my mother is adopted. She thinks like me. She's the coolest.

Anyway in attempt to embrace the holiday here is a small list of the things I am thankful for (in no particular order):

- old comfy jeans from the Gap
- Mr. Bunny and my Wo
- cold sheets
- my new SUV
- mascara, all 57 brands I own
- The funny things small children say
- Alanis Morrisette
- california rolls and spicy tuna
- Lush brand Big shampoo
- my job
- The Pawtuckets
- sunshine at the beach
- rainy days & sad ass songs
- frozen apple martinis
- salad with ginger dressing
- Al Green
- Barnes & Noble
- venti vanilla lattes
- Origins Ginger lotion
- Amy, my friend who always makes me laugh
- apple pie
- buying new purses on the spur of the moment
- Macy Gray
- my Moo (that's my grandmother)
- new shoes
- George Clooney
- my 6 CD Rockford Fosgate stereo in my car
- my mother (she motherfucking rocks)
- Woodchuck Cider
- the fact that I can still affect The Boy (I know I'm a bitch)
-Xanax
- ice cold vodka
- a cigarette when you've been drinking too much
- hot baths
- Otis Redding
- the movie "Breakfast at Tiffany's"
- naps in the middle of the day
- Snoop Dogg
- french kisses that last for hours
- the sound of the ocean
- Ryan Adams' songwriting and beautiful voice and the way he brings me to tears
- a certain man who knows who he is and why I am thankful for him

Happy Turkey Day!