Actual Conversation

"He never loved you."

"What?"

"He never loved you. Not ever."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Brian never loved you."

"OK. Why are you bringing this up now?"

"I was just thinking about it."

"Hmmmmm. So for no apparent reason, in the middle of the work day, you have decided to tell me he never loved me."

"Well he didn't. I just figured you should know."

"Wow! OK. I think it's a little brutal to just throw that out there in the middle of the day with no advanced warning."

"Well you did say you almost emailed him after Saturday night."

"True. But I told you that Sunday. It's Tuesday, in case you haven't looked at a calendar."

"I know it's Tuesday. I just figured you should know he never loved you."

"Thanks. I guess. Anything else?"

"Yeah. You know Flower Boy?"

"Yeah?"

"One shot deal."

"You have a serious case of hate going for me right now don't you?"

"No. I'm just being realistic with you."

"So in the middle of the day, AT WORK, you have decided to be realistic with me without any provocation."

"Yeah. I'm your friend. I'm trying to help."

"This has been SUPER helpful. Any other words of wisdom?"

"You fucked up when you let Brandon move away."

"Fuck! You do hate me. You are such a cunt."

"Hey, don't get pissed at me. I'm trying to help you."

"I can totally see how you would think this might be helpful. I'm going home now to slit my wrists. I'm leaving instructions not to allow you in the funeral."