No Wonder I'm Nuts

I'm a little spoiled. OK maybe I'm alot spoiled. I'm used to getting what I want from my family. So recently I've been a little sad because my mommy lives so far away. There are just sometimes in a girl's life when she needs her mom. Right now is that time for me. I've been a little sad and a little confused and I want to be babied. Since I don't have a man to baby me (or at least I don't have one that I want to baby me) a mom is the next best thing.

I called my mom the other night on my way home from work. "I'm sick of you living far away from me. I miss you." Funny thing, she was feeling the exact same way. She says, "Let's go to Argentina." I explain to her there is no way I can just up and go to Argentina. I have work. I have people depending on me. I just can't fly off to Argentina. And yes, I know it's crazy to turn down a trip to Argentina but it's also crazy for her to think I can just pick up and fly off somewhere.

Let me give you a little back story here. Recently a distant relative that is about my age died suddenly. Since then my mom has been a bit of a freak about my going to the doctor to get a full check up. She has really been on me to go to the girl doctor also. I hate the girl doctor. Absofuckinglutely hate it. She also wants me to have a mammogram. A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. My mom has decided I need every part of my body checked out. She has bugged me about this relentlessly for two weeks.

So today I'm in the grocery store and the cell rings. It's my mommy. We talk about work, that certain boy, the blog that she vaguely knows about but is not allowed to read, and the fact that I want her to come home. My mom asks if I have made a doctor's appointment. I tell her I have not. The conversation goes like this:

"When you make a doctor's appointment, I will come with you."

"I'm perfectly capable of going to the girl doctor by myself."

"Obviously you aren't since you won't even make an appointment."

"Fine I'll make the appointment."

"Call me back when you have the date and time of the appointment."

"Why?"

"So I can make plane reservations."

"What the hell? Are you planning on being in on the examination? Mom, you do not have to come to the girl doctor with me. I've been plenty of times by myself."

"I know I don't have to come with you. Here's the deal...You want to see me then you make a doctor's appointment."

"You aren't going to come visit me if I don't go to the doctor?"

"Right. You want something. I want something. I figure this is the only way we can both get what we want."

"But Mom I just really need to see you. Now. You know how long it takes to get a girl doctor appointment. Just come here."

"Lola, make the appointment. I'm not coming there till I know the day and the time of the appointment."

"Fine."

"But don't make the appointment for the second week in August because I'm going to Argentina."

Whose mom bribes them into going to the doctor? What kind of person needs to be blackmailed into going to the doctor? Yes I know I should just go to the doctor without anyone telling me I have to. But I don't want to. I really, really don't want to. But the bitch has called my bluff. She knew exactly what to do to make me go. Fuck! Guess I'm going to the doctor. But not during the second week in August.