It All Comes Down To What You Want To Do

Recently I was having an email exchange with a friend. We were discussing if I should attempt to write a book or not. He said, "It all comes down to what you want to do." I responded with, "What I want to do is get married and do nothing but write and maybe drink and turn into the cliche alcoholic suburban wife."

I meant this as a joke but the more I thought about it the more I thought maybe I was serious. Maybe I do want to write. Maybe I do want to get married. Maybe I do want to live in the suburbs with the dog, the 2.5 kids, the white picket fence, and the pool. I definitely want to become best friends with the local wine merchant.

Actually there is some seriousness to this. Fear of failure keeps me from writing a book. And please do not tell me how witty I am and how I have to write a book. I'm not writing about this so all of you can build me up and tell me how great I am. All of you wonderful people build me up on a daily basis just by showing up to read the bullshit I spew forth. And don't get me wrong...I'm happy each and everyone of you show up each day. I have thought about writing a book several times. The problem is I do not like to fail. Funny I have so many failed relationships then huh?

I do want to get married. I do want a dog. A greyhound to be precise. Or a weimaraner. I'm not so sure about the 2.5 kids. You think I can find a man who will just buy me a kid instead of me actually having to birth one? I really don't want a white picket fence but I do want a pool. Maybe I could compromise, a pool for a kid. Nah, I'm not gonna sell myself for a pool. And I've already made friends with the local wine merchant. The point is I know what I want to do. I'm just not sure I'm brave enough to go for it.

Of course if anyone wants to marry me to allow me to just write and drink then send me an email. We'll negotiate.