Happy Birthday Baby Jesus

So you have all figured out that I'm a little off right? Well, part of the reason I am off is because of the people I am surrounded by. I know, take responsibilities for your own faults. I readily admit I am a pork chop short of a mixed grill. I can flip my grits without the slightest provocation. But sometimes it is the people around you that force you into insanity. I have to live in a made up world in my mind because the real one is just way too fucked up.

My parents own a house in Florida. Several years ago we decided to spend Christmas at the beach. Wait. Lola decided to spend Christmas at the beach and since Lola usually gets what Lola wants, we all went. The people who "lived" next door had a small adopted child of about five. This kid was a fucking genius. I'm not kidding. Piano prodigy, smart as a whip, the total genius package. He was also just a bit creepy. Most truly genius small children are. At least in my opinion. I love kids. Really I do. But there are some creepy fuckers out there.

"Jonathan" came over one day bearing a birthday party invitation. The first thing I thought was how sad it was for him to have to share his birthday with the Christmas season. You know kids who have birthdays near Christmas get the shaft. Thank god, I wasn't born near Christmas. I would be pissed. I thanked him kindly, went in the house, and opened the invitation. It said: You are invited to a celebrate the birthday of Baby Jesus. I fucking kid you not. This kid was having a birthday party for Jesus. And it was a normal kids birthday invitation. Balloons on the front and all the pertinent information written in a child like scrawl. In the name slot it said Baby Jesus. Really.

My mom made me go. She made all of us go. I was 26 years old and I was being made to go to a birthday party for Jesus. The birthday party was actually on December 23rd. "Jonathan's" mom had convinced him that olden times calendars weren't reliable. He felt safe enough having the party on December 23rd. Plus I think he was smart enough to realize the turnout on December 25th would be lacking. The party was held on the beach at the back of our respective houses. Balloons. Streamers. A cake that said "Happy Birthday Baby Jesus". We played birthday games. Ate cake and ice cream. Everything you would do at a normal party. Baby Jesus even got presents. I gave him a manger Christmas tree ornament. Seemed appropriate to me.