I Think I Am In Love

I think I am in love with this guy. He is tall, rich, funny, young, and most of all an asshole. And he treats women like shit. We all know how much I love assholes. I'm thinking about applying to to hook up with him.

In case you are jealous and don't want to visit his site, he says these things about himself:

I am selfish, aggressive and dominant in bed.

If you want candlelight, romance and long meaningful gazes into your eyes, look elsewhere.

I will never ask if you came, because I really don't care.

I define my success in bed by my happiness, not yours.

Again, I will never fall in love with you, and I for damn sure will never date you. Just being clear.

I won't go down on you (unless I am really drunk and you are really hot and I really really like you).

I am not going to get sentimental and cry in your arms or spill my guts or take you to breakfast in the morning (unless I am hungry and you are fun to hang out with).

I don't have a specific type; to me, the hottest girls on earth are the ones who want to fuck me.

If I like you we may hang out again. If I don't, I will probably never call you again.

I promise nothing, except that if you are good looking and want to fuck me, you probably can.

Even though I am generally an asshole, I am usually pretty nice to the girls I sleep with.

I am not going to put roses on my bed for you, but I won't be mean to you. Unless you really piss me off.

I live in Chicago, but travel a lot. My travel schedule is posted on the home page.


Doesn't he sound perfect for me?