Thursday Night

As you may have noticed, I have been in a little bit of a funk recently. I am no fun when I am in a funk. I am bitchy and emotional and if you look at me wrong I might just shoot you. The funk has been brought on by my need to get out of town. My impending Non Birthday. And of course, The Boy. He seems to have intensified his efforts to remind me of all things that went on between he and I. Let me make this clear, I am not sad because I still love him but because I failed in yet another relationship. I know, "Shut the fuck up Lola".

In an effort to lift my spirits The Girls and I went out on Thursday night. You know, I don't really hang out with a lot of girls for various reasons but mostly it is because they are all silly twats. Don't get the wrong idea, I know I am a silly twat too. The purpose of going out was to celebrate my wonderful Non Birthday present, bitch about the various things we girls bitch about, and to try and meet cute boys.

The night began at a place called Swig. It is a pretensions place full of beautiful people. The type of place I hate. Really, really hate. You know the type of place where the girls all ask the guys what they do for a living and what kind of car they drive. I'm positive I heard one girl ask one guy what his net worth was. OK, that's an exaggeration but you get my point. I agreed to go to Swig simply because one of The Girls was looking for a certain boy. I can be a loyal friend when need be.

I started the night off with the usual Apple Martini. I swear I love the damn things. After one Apple Martini I progressed to straight vodka shots. No rocks. No soda. No tonic. No nothing. Straight, shaken, ice cold. I was on a fucking mission. By the 3rd shot my cell phone was taken away from me. I am a great drunk dialer. Well, at least I think I am. The people who receive the calls may not be so sure about that. "Janey" found her man and we decided to move elsewhere. Otherwise known as following The Man.

The Man led us to yet another pretensions martini bar where I proceeded to drink more vodka. I switched to vodka rocks and I did attempt to sip it. I swear. Now let me tell you, when I get going I have a loud laugh. Very loud. I let loose and it is throaty and calls attention to me. A youngun comes over and proceeds to try this line on me "I love your laugh, you sound like you really love life." OK first of all, that is the lamest ass line I've ever heard. Secondly, I replied "If you only fucking knew little boy." You would think when a girl is that blatant of a bitch the guy would go away. Not The Youngun. By the way, he was 23. TWENTY FUCKING THREE! Turns out The Youngun is an intern for The Man. Which means if I stay loyal to "Janey" I will be forced to hang with The Youngun the rest of the night.

It was decided at some point we would go to this dive bar to play pool and listen to a band. I was all up for that. I love live music. At the dive bar The Youngun started buying the shots. Now really, I am not a girl who just takes free liquor from men. I tried to pay my own way. He wouldn't allow it. I fear he was trying to get me drunk. As the night progressed we, The Girls, ended up dancing on the bar. I kicked some major ass at pool and had to pull out my driver's license to prove how old I am. I also flirted with the lead singer. That really raised my spirits. Of course, I was so drunk by then maybe I just thought I was flirting. All in all a good night.

Yes, The Youngun tried to grope me at some point. Yes, I attempted to steal my cell phone back so I could drunk dial a few choice people. Yes, I threw up at about 6:00a.m. But all in all a good night. Lola needs more nights like this. She also needs to find out who the fuck has her cell phone.