How I Plan On Burning Off My 'Roid Rage

It is 5:03 a.m. and I can't sleep. I have steroid agitation. Try it sometime if you want to go completely fucking insane. Yesterday I had to have another steroid shot. This makes 3 shots in a week's time plus oral steroids. It's gonna be a fun time when I return to work today. I GET TO FIRE TWO PEOPLE! I am motherfucking turning cartwheels over this news. O.K., I'm not really turning cartwheels because that would endanger my health but you get the idea. Also, I'm really not supposed to go back to work till Monday but I am going fucking insane in this place.

Normally I wouldn't be excited about firing anyone. I know I like to come across as a bitch but firing someone really hurts my delicate sensibilities. But since I'm all hopped up on steroids and I've been trapped indoors since Saturday, firing someone seems like a good way to blow off steam. Firing two people is just the icing on the cake.

One of the girls hasn't been around that long (a week) so I haven't really formed an attachment to her. I also haven't formed a great dislike either. She is just sort of a slug. She shows up on time but doesn't really do anything. She isn't a bad employee really but she isn't ever going to have what it takes to impress me. Better to cut my losses now. Also she asked for a shitload of money to stand around doing nothing. I guess I'm not really firing her, I'm just telling her no to the ridiculous amount of money she wants while telling her it just isn't going to work out.

The other girl I get to fire is The Slut. Oh good god am I excited about this one. She gave her notice. Her last day is supposed to be April 3rd. Well, the stupid ass bitch changed her mind. She called me at home Monday and said she needed to meet with me. I explained that I was sick. She called me Tuesday at home saying she really needed to meet with me. I explained that not only was I sick but it was also my birthday. I told her I was unable to conduct company business. She asked me if I could just come in for thirty minutes to talk to her. ON MY BIRTHDAY! WHEN I HAVE PNEUMONIA! I politely told her it would be impossible for me to meet with her Tuesday. She called me again Wednesday at 8:00 a.m. asking to meet with me. I told her, once again, I was not coming to work. She says, "When in the fuck are you planning on making the time to meet with me?"

To say that I was pissed is an understatement but I handled myself very well. A meeting was set up for Thursday. I know she has changed her mind about quitting because she has told everyone who will listen about how thankful I will be when I find out she isn't leaving. JFB called me to tell me she wanted to keep her job. I inquired as to what he wanted me to do. He said the magic words. "It's your call." So when we meet I will tell her she is no longer needed. I will also tell her there is no need to stay until April 3rd. I will explain how I have already covered her position and I will wish her well. Then I will scream for joy after I shut the door on her ass.

Going back to work is going to be ever so much fun.