Bitch You Are Screwing Up My Sun Time

Let me explain how I like to do my sun time. I shower the night before so I can get up first thing in the morning to hit the beach. No matter what time I get in the night before or how drunk I am I always do things this way. After dinner and mango drinks Sunday night we all went home and showered. Monday morning I got up at O Dark 100 and woke everyone up. The plan was to take the 8:30 a.m. ferry to St. John's to go to this beach. Cousin "Sarah" decided she needed to shower again. WTF? We are going to the beach. With sand. And an ocean.

I calmly applied suntan lotion and waited while "Sarah" showered and Crazy Mommy had coffee. I was calm. Really. I didn't utter one curse word. OK that's a lie. I cussed under my breath the whole time. "Sarah" then proceeded to dry her hair. Dry her fucking hair to go to the beach. If she had put on make-up I would have cut the bitch. Later on I found out she did apply mascara. Now if you know anything about me you know I am a mascara freak but not even I would apply mascara to get in the ocean. So we were finally ready to go. I hail an island taxi. Crazy Mommy and Sarah look at me and say, "We are walking to the ferry." I am all for a good hike but for fuck's sake, I'm on vacation. I was told I needed to enjoy the beauty of the island and to do that I needed to walk. We missed the ferry.

I grabbed the first taxi man I saw and said "Take me to the nearest beach." It turned out the nearest beach was Coki Beach. The water was beautiful. I fed fishies out of my hand. I drank several drinks called The Bomb. The Bomb is a frozen rum drink made in different flavors. I had the mango of course. They make the drink with rum then they pour a shot of rum on top. They also fill your straw with a shot of rum. You are supposed to suck up the rum in the straw, get a little of the liquid from the drink, swish everything around in your mouth and then swallow. It was awesome.

"Sarah" was flirting with the cute American bartender. She took off her sunglasses and had mascara all under her eyes. I laughed my ass off. That'll teach the bitch to fuck with my sun time. The bartender told us where we had to eat dinner. He was right. It was incredible. I had lobster, mango daiquiris, and a mild case of over exposure to the sun. I woke up the next morning sunburnt but with the best DSL's I've ever seen. If only Macek had been there to see them.