"You Made Fuckin' Up A Whole New Art."

I was laying by the the pool today when my cell phone rang. The Caller ID showed no name and a number I didn't recognize.

"Hello."

"HEY!"

"Who is this?"

"Your one true love."

"I don't believe in true love."

"Come on Lola, don't be this way."

"Why are you calling?"

"I heard that Tim Easton song you liked so much. It made me think of you. What's up?"

"Which Tim Easton song? Are you talking about 'Hell On Earth'? That song really makes me think of dating you."

"You know which song I'm talking about."

"I'm really, really busy. I'm laying out. I truly can't be disturbed right now."

"Are you that great shade of brown you get all over?"

"You lost the privilege to know about my all over."

Laughter "I've missed that wicked wit of yours. How have you been? Dating anyone?"

"Nope, I've just been pining away for you."

"I'm coming to {State Withheld} thought I'd swing through {City Withheld} and we could get together for a beer or six."

"I think not. You really fucked up ever getting to have a beer with me again. You must know that. Right?"

"You made fuckin' up a whole new art."

"You were pretty fucking spiffy at it yourself."

"Let's not fight."

"I'm not fighting. I really think you should get over yourself."

"Say you'll see me."

"No! Listen this has been a HUGE enjoyment but I'm not tanning evenly by being on this phone. I've got to go. You know how I hate to tan unevenly."

"Lola..."

CLICK.


Below are the lyrics to the song he was talking about. Do you see now why I need a motherfucking time out? Friends fucking pilots unprotected and ex's calling up out of the blue. FUCKERS!

I Would Have Married You
As I move along the roadway, the Los Angeles highway
I travel all alone, sometimes fast but mostly slow slow slow
And I think about you, I think about you
I met a girl named Mercedes,
she was sweet and beautiful
She had a son, she could talk about him on and on
I just thought about you
I only thought about you

Of all the things you said you wanted to do
There was only one time when I wouldn't let you
Of all the things that you said you wanted to be
I remember the last thing you promised me
You said, "I... would have married... you"

When I first left you I was proud and dangerous
I was alive, I was alive and alone
I never thought about you,
I never thought about you
Well it wasn't much later,
I thought I woke up beside you
And I called out your name
But you were two thousand miles away
I cried about you, I cried about you

Of all the things you said you wanted to do
There was only one time when I wouldn't let you
Of all the things that you said you wanted to be
I remember the last thing you promised me
You said, "I... would have married... you"
I... would have married... you