"Is That What It Feels Like?"

Fuck! Out till 2 o'clock on a school night. This will be the last time I try to stage an intervention.

I swear to God I am friends with some of the oddest people in the world. "Amy" and I took The Bitch out to stage an intervention. I usually try not to get involved with other people's boy business because I hated the unsolicited advice I got when I was with The Boy. The Pilot, however, is bad news. My mom says if The Bitch picks up a little "surprise" it's her own fucking fault. I tend to agree but I wanted to give it one last ditch effort to persuade her of what a dumbass she is being.

We went out for drinks and dinner. Slowly I turned the conversation towards alternate means of pleasure besides The Pilot. First let me explain, "Amy" is young. Probably too young to be hanging out with us but we enjoy her company so we let her tag along. "Amy" doesn't drink and is pretty religious but has a biting wit. She also keeps her religion to herself and doesn't try to convert The Bitch or myself. "Amy" is also a bit pure. Yes, I do mean she is a virgin.

I suggest to The Bitch that maybe she could just take care of herself instead of having The Pilot do it for her. The Bitch explains that it isn't as much fun. I completely agree with her. Almost always I would rather have a man do it for me than do it myself. "Amy" starts asking questions about masturbating. This is when the conversation goes weird.

"Amy" has never masturbated. Now with most people I would call "Bullshit" but with "Amy" I'm pretty sure she is telling the truth. The Bitch starts talking about all the different toys she owns. Now our naive little friend is asking all sorts of questions about where to buy the toys and how to use them. I'm a little weirded out. I usually keep my masturbation talk for phone sex and not for conversation with the girls. "Amy" says, "Do you just shove them up in there like a tampon. Is that what it feels like?"

Needless to say I think the intervention failed because after that comment I couldn't have had a serious conversation if my life depended on it.