Internet Dating - Lola Style

Do you think this is a bad start to a personal ad?

"So I'm bitter and I have some baggage - who doesn't? I'm also quite contrary. Detached and destructive. Capricious. I'm looking for a man to distract me while I figure out what I want. I'm no picnic. I'm a complete bitch and always need to be the center of attention."

Anyway, I signed up for one of those Internet dating sites. I filled out the forms. I tried to be clever. I honestly expressed what I was looking for. I did everything but post a picture. (Lola's true identity is a semi well guarded secret.) Then I sat back and waited.

A few days later I get an email containing the people that match what I am looking for. Guess who is in the Top 3? Ex Sex! Ex Sex was my boyfriend on and off from seventh grade through my second year in college. He was the first person I ever had sex with. Ex Sex was the man I turned to briefly for a little release after The Boy and I had crashed and burned for the final time. He is the man who told me the whole time The Boy and I dated that The Boy was not my "Mr. Big". He is the person in my life who has probably known me the longest and still tolerates my bullshit. Ex Sex is a great friend, a better than average lay, but a not so great boyfriend.

If Ex Sex is one of the Top 3 prospects they have for me then I'm not sure I want to even attempt Internet dating. Only Lola could have the man who de-virginized her turn up as one of her Top 3 on an Internet dating site 1000 years later. Oh, he also made himself two years younger than he really is on his profile. And we all know how I feel about liars. God hates me.

By the way, he answered my ad. I replied with "Dumbass, we already tried this." He must have figured out it was me because he then emailed me at my "real" email address and asked if I wanted to engage in some ex sex. Since I said no, he was only kidding. But what if I had said yes? Fuckhead!