Long Distance Information

My friend "Mary" is thinking about getting into a long distance relationship. She asked what I thought of the idea. I think it sucks ass. I told her I had a whole list of Cons and couldn't think of any Pros. Here is my list of Cons:

1. Someone has to get on a plane just so you can have sex.

2. Someone has to get on a plane just so you can have sex.

3. Someone has to get on a plane just so you can have sex.

4. Someone has to get on a plane just so you can have sex.

5. Someone has to get on a plane just so you can have sex.

6. No one is there to hold your hair while you puke.

7. No one is there to brush your bangs out of your face at just the right moment.

8. You spend a ton of money on phone calls.

9. You can't get drunk and have dirty sex whenever you want.

10. No one is there to laugh at you when you cry at movies.

11. No one is there when you suddenly feel like giving a blowjob in the middle of the day.

12. No one is there to tell your butt looks cute in those jeans.

13. You will eventually worry he isn't just using his hand to relieve stress.

14. He will eventually worry you are using someone else's hand to relieve stress.

15. When he signs his emails "Take care" or says "Goodbye" instead of just "Bye" when you get off the phone you'll worry you are getting the blow-off.

16. You have to paint your own toenails.

17. You have to call yourself a dirty slut during sex because he won't be there to do it.

18. There is no one to kill the icky spiders for you. He can't do it over the phone.

19. You eventually indulge is some self destructive behavior.

20. You can't have sex every single day if you feel like it.